The interesting thing I am realizing after years of practicing authenticity and vulnerability, and responsibility, and discovering more and more deeper layers as I go that I didn't knew existed. For most of my life I used to think that "being in control" feels safe. And expressing so called "negative" emotions was not safe. It took me going to a couples retreat to being able to get the words out of my mouth and express for the first time what bothered me (to a boyfriend at a time who was actually very loving and receptive). As I did more self-work and healing and stretching my comfort zone, I started expressing all my emotions, but mostly when I knew the container was safe. It also felt much safer when I got triggered to not show it IN THE MOMENT but go away, process it, feel it on my own, and then express it later when it's all clear and calm and not messy. This I felt was a huge upgrade for my emotional freedom and capacity to express myself: from not being able to say things at all to being able to express it fully, even if it was mostly mental and often after the fact. But better later than never, right?
A few weeks ago I got a huge gift and a glimpse of even deeper layers for emotional freedom that I had no idea was possible. But as usual, gifts often come in not very pretty packages.